I feel like Jason doesn't reply to my feelings the same way I do to him.
This is the reason I am crying right now.
It's October and our fourth year anniversary is coming in 6 days. The different thing this year is that we are spending it separately due to my new job at Coca-Cola. I was thinking maybe I should do something different, you know, to strengthen our bonds since we are #teamldr at the moment. Something romantic.
I guess I have to start from the beginning. I have always been the romantic type, expecting the guy to engage with me the same way. But Jason is different. He doesn't watch romance, never brings me flowers, let alone do anything cheesy. (He doesn't like cheese either.) He just doesn't know how. Deep down, I know I like it when guys brings me impractical gifts like flowers or chocolates or cheesy cards and stuff. But somehow I tried to fit in his category that I am that "practical" girl, who doesn't like impractical gifts. So I told him to never bring me flowers since I don't have any use of them anyways. So be it. He never brings me a bouquet, except when my mom asked him to for my graduation. Other than that is non-existent, really.
On the other hand, I am the exact opposite of Jason. I watch all the romantic movies that dries the tears out of you and frankly, I like romantic treatments or treating others that way. But since he doesn't like it, I have grown accustomed to never giving him romantic gifts or any sort.
This year is different.
We are doing the dreaded long distance relationship. We've been together for 4 years. Supposedly, it is easier for us to do, right? Big no. It isn't easier, if anything it is a whole new, different territories that where I have crusaded before. I have no idea how to keep the flame alive, how to make him realize that I miss him and care about him. Not with this distance.
Now, it is easy to some people. Why don't you send him chocolates? He doesn't eat sweets. Why don't you call? We got nothing to say during the phone calls. Why don't you write love letters? He is a klutz and he will just pile my letter somewhere on his junk piles. With my rusty skills at romancing, this has become a tougher challenge, more than I have imagined it to be.
Back when we just started dating, he would send me snapchats or memes constantly. Showing me that he is thinking of me at all times. We would video call and just chill together like it's no big deal, distance-what-distance type of behavior. It has been increasingly rare now that we can do that. It's more like we show each other we care by doing some chores or groceries for each other. In a sense, more mature. It would work out if we are living in the same house or city, but now that we are 7-hour drive away from each other, it is nearly impossible to do that. I can't cook him dinner while he is in class. He can't cook me breakfast while I am on Skype call with my mom. It just is not the same.
Before I left for St. Louis, we made a stop in Cincinnati, where his twin brother lives to fix his car before I use it. Yes, it was a nice gesture that he would go to greater lengths for me; drive my truck, fix his car, do groceries, even stuff my fridge with food that is a month old now. But I'm starting to wonder if our love language is the same after all. I love that undivided attention during our quality time but seems like his phone is always between us. Hey, don't get me wrong. It's great that he is thinking of my needs, but I need his time too.
I am aware that he is having his exam tomorrow and that he needs to study. He promised me the night before that we would call today. He specified in the morning, but didn't tell me what time. So I thought he must be flexible. But he never asked me again, as if he doesn't need the call. Like he's better off doing some other things than calling me. The worse part is, he tried to blame me, saying I got up late so he couldn't call me. How could you? If you had specified the time, I would have been up at that time, sharp, ready to talk to you.
Then I remembered my mom always asked me if we always call. I confidently lied to her that we always call every night, before bed.
It's just different now. You are different, Jason.
I know you've got the world's responsibilities on your shoulder, but is it that difficult to call for just 10 minutes? 10 minutes out of your 24-hour days? Are you comfortable where you are that you don't need to talk to me anymore? Seems that way to me.
Back to the point of this post. I saw that Karen made Jordan a romantic gift to read every time he goes to work. It was simple; just a series of handwritten-cards saying what Karen likes about Jordan and reminders that she loves him. I thought to myself, this is what we need. Jason and I need this romanticism. As practical as we would like to be, the flame has to stay on and it's crucial to our relationship.
And I guess I'd have to start it all again, like I have always initiated everything?
This is the reason I am crying right now.
It's October and our fourth year anniversary is coming in 6 days. The different thing this year is that we are spending it separately due to my new job at Coca-Cola. I was thinking maybe I should do something different, you know, to strengthen our bonds since we are #teamldr at the moment. Something romantic.
I guess I have to start from the beginning. I have always been the romantic type, expecting the guy to engage with me the same way. But Jason is different. He doesn't watch romance, never brings me flowers, let alone do anything cheesy. (He doesn't like cheese either.) He just doesn't know how. Deep down, I know I like it when guys brings me impractical gifts like flowers or chocolates or cheesy cards and stuff. But somehow I tried to fit in his category that I am that "practical" girl, who doesn't like impractical gifts. So I told him to never bring me flowers since I don't have any use of them anyways. So be it. He never brings me a bouquet, except when my mom asked him to for my graduation. Other than that is non-existent, really.
On the other hand, I am the exact opposite of Jason. I watch all the romantic movies that dries the tears out of you and frankly, I like romantic treatments or treating others that way. But since he doesn't like it, I have grown accustomed to never giving him romantic gifts or any sort.
This year is different.
We are doing the dreaded long distance relationship. We've been together for 4 years. Supposedly, it is easier for us to do, right? Big no. It isn't easier, if anything it is a whole new, different territories that where I have crusaded before. I have no idea how to keep the flame alive, how to make him realize that I miss him and care about him. Not with this distance.
Now, it is easy to some people. Why don't you send him chocolates? He doesn't eat sweets. Why don't you call? We got nothing to say during the phone calls. Why don't you write love letters? He is a klutz and he will just pile my letter somewhere on his junk piles. With my rusty skills at romancing, this has become a tougher challenge, more than I have imagined it to be.
Back when we just started dating, he would send me snapchats or memes constantly. Showing me that he is thinking of me at all times. We would video call and just chill together like it's no big deal, distance-what-distance type of behavior. It has been increasingly rare now that we can do that. It's more like we show each other we care by doing some chores or groceries for each other. In a sense, more mature. It would work out if we are living in the same house or city, but now that we are 7-hour drive away from each other, it is nearly impossible to do that. I can't cook him dinner while he is in class. He can't cook me breakfast while I am on Skype call with my mom. It just is not the same.
Before I left for St. Louis, we made a stop in Cincinnati, where his twin brother lives to fix his car before I use it. Yes, it was a nice gesture that he would go to greater lengths for me; drive my truck, fix his car, do groceries, even stuff my fridge with food that is a month old now. But I'm starting to wonder if our love language is the same after all. I love that undivided attention during our quality time but seems like his phone is always between us. Hey, don't get me wrong. It's great that he is thinking of my needs, but I need his time too.
I am aware that he is having his exam tomorrow and that he needs to study. He promised me the night before that we would call today. He specified in the morning, but didn't tell me what time. So I thought he must be flexible. But he never asked me again, as if he doesn't need the call. Like he's better off doing some other things than calling me. The worse part is, he tried to blame me, saying I got up late so he couldn't call me. How could you? If you had specified the time, I would have been up at that time, sharp, ready to talk to you.
Then I remembered my mom always asked me if we always call. I confidently lied to her that we always call every night, before bed.
It's just different now. You are different, Jason.
I know you've got the world's responsibilities on your shoulder, but is it that difficult to call for just 10 minutes? 10 minutes out of your 24-hour days? Are you comfortable where you are that you don't need to talk to me anymore? Seems that way to me.
Back to the point of this post. I saw that Karen made Jordan a romantic gift to read every time he goes to work. It was simple; just a series of handwritten-cards saying what Karen likes about Jordan and reminders that she loves him. I thought to myself, this is what we need. Jason and I need this romanticism. As practical as we would like to be, the flame has to stay on and it's crucial to our relationship.
And I guess I'd have to start it all again, like I have always initiated everything?
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